Co-sleeping is a learned behaviour, and can be unlearned at any time. As long as there are no obligations – both parties are doing it because they want to – there is no issueīoth parent and child can stop co-sleeping when they want. Is it due to anxiety, sensitivity or sleep disturbance? If so, these can be effectively treated by a professional If your child is co-sleeping consider the reasons they doing this. But co-sleeping does not have negative outcomes in and of itself There are social myths that co-sleeping is “bad” and it develops inappropriate daytime or night-time behaviours, dependency on parents and bad habits for life. If parents are enjoying co-sleeping with their children but think they “should” stop, keep these points in mind:Ĭo-sleeping has a bad reputation. Worried your kids are ‘too old’ for co-sleeping? These factors are largely driven by societal expectations and parents’ own choice (which is of course, is influenced by society). There is no guideline for an age when co-sleeping should be stopped or started, just as there is no guideline for when comfort toys should be kept or discarded. Similar to all other learned habits in older children such as dressing and tidying their rooms, children will not always need their parents to do it for them, and when parents deem this appropriate they can be taught and guided to do it themselves. As they get older, sleeping alone is often simultaneous with increasing independence. In fact, research shows that while co-sleeping may result in a temporary dependence on a parent, in the longer term it results in a child who is more resilient, gaining the skill of solo sleeping when they are more able to cope.Ī child who co-sleeps also does not necessarily continue to co-sleep. The research does not support this claim. Parents may be warned “once a co-sleeper always a co-sleeper”. It is viewed as a bad habit that will be difficult to break. One of the key arguments against co-sleeping is that, children who co-sleep become more dependent on their parents both at sleep time and also in general. Why do kids hate going to sleep, while adults usually love it? Indeed, research confirms supporting and nurturing a sensitive child while learning to sleep alone (if necessary or desired) is more effective than forcing them to sleep alone. There is no scientific time frame in which this needs to occur, only societal expectations. ![]() Gaining the confidence and resilience to sleep alone is not a given and some children, especially sensitive or anxious children, need more time and assistance. This is something they often need to learn with support from a parent or other trusted adult. What does the research say?Īs social animals, children are not biologically primed to sleep alone. Bedrooms were “privatised” and sleeping alone was thought to instil self-regulation in children.Ĭo-sleeping was also seen as something “poor people” did, as wealthier families could afford a bed for each child.īy the early 20th century, there were fears over-indulgent parenting styles would spoil children and co-sleeping became synonymous with raising lazy, difficult children. In western societies, the idea that children should sleep on their own only emerged during the 19th century.īefore this, the communal house and communal bedroom, shared by siblings and parents, was the norm (and still is in many societies).īut with the emergence of nuclear families in Victorian times came the need for increased discipline with children who were independent from their parents. Why do western countries frown on co-sleeping? In Brazil up to 47% of school-aged children sleep in their parents’ bed at least sometimes, while 30% of school-aged children co-sleep in Italy. But recent studies show in China, 25% of pre-adolescents co-sleep. ![]() I have found in my work that before their child is born, parents often say they don’t want to co-sleep, but often end up doing it over time.ĭata of rates of co-sleeping in school-age children in western countries are scarce. But it is more common than people may realise and is under-reported.
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